I hate her songs
My life needs to get better.
Things going wrong right now.
- I like my bestfriend. He doesn’t feel the same. Awkwardddd.
- the other guy I like more than anything wont talk to me and might move 50,000 miles away.
- My mom is seeing a married man.
- I have to move in like a month
- my dad is a douche.
- Im not happy.
- finals
- summer
- eating disorder
- I want a cigarette. But I wont.
- I want him,
- my fan wont shut up
- I just wanna cry
- I hate my life.
Hello? Depression? Please leave me alone.
Just a few years ago i was diagnosed with a mental illness depression. Many people just think its all in your head, you are just really sad, snap out of it. The truth is you cant. Some day there is times i didnt want to get out of bed, i just couldn’t, i felt as if my whole body was numb. I would sleep for two day in a row, i would eat and eat and eat. Or i wouldn’t. Does depression go away? Ehhh, No. Sadly the only thing you can really do is get therapy and medications. Depression is hard. But with a supportive mother i can fight it. I can honestly say i wear a really smile. In the past i would smile all the time just so i do not hear those two word I HATE, “Whats wrong?” I can not stand it when some one asks me that i just want to scream. But i would just reply “Yeah, I am fine” But i really wasn’t. I would walk to class to class trying not to cry. At times i would just go to the bathroom and cry, hoping no one would walk in. I would come home and sleep. I wouldn’t even talk to my friends. I just wanted to sleep, and sleep. I think there was just times i didn’t want to wake up. I never had the thought to kill myself, but at times i just wish some one would do it for me. After sleeping for four days straight, eating all the time, and not having any interest of anything, My mom thought it was time to go to the doctor. Soon after i was admitted in to Mercy Franklin. It is a mental hospital. It helped me get better it really did. There is amazing people there and i was with kids my age so i didn’t feel different every one was going through the same thing as me. I was there for two weeks. Every day i was there i was just wondering what would i tell kid at school? Well i didn’t tell them anything. I was embarrassed of my depression. I didn’t really know why. Just was. But now i feel great. Life is still hard, but I am getting through it a lot easier now. I can actually say I am okay. (:
High school sucks.
Kill me now. He told. Okay so to catch you up, I was really upsett and depressed and felt alone so this senior asked me to hangout and I said sure and we ended up having sex, and no it wasn’t my first time. But I made him promise not to tell any one because I knew if this got out I wouldn’t be able to live it down! He told his friends and now every one knows. I just want to hide under a rock. I just can’t believe this. HIGHSCHOOL SUCKS.
School.
I am just sitting here doing nothing I got ready to fast I guess…..Shelby is not texting me back. Greattttt. My eyes burn only got 4 hours of sleep. Shoot me now pleaseeeee?
Boys. Boys. Boys.
People look as me as a slut, and when i look back why shouldn’t they? I am. I am 14 and i have slept with 4 guys. I have kissed over 20 guys. I feel as if maybe i was just doing it for guys to like me. But if you do that then guys will try to get with you but i will never find a relationship that way. Why do i want to be in a relationship any way? All they are is work. But i will always have some one to text, to hangout with, to hold my hand, to call me and say goodnight, to hug and kiss, to say how beautiful i am. Thats what i want. But i cant find a guy that will give me that. I mean Juan is great and all but he is just such a douche to me, Austin oh gosh is he weird. This guy has a foot fetish! Ew! and then there is Gus. A amazing guy i could of had but turned him down, why? I don’t know. But now he is dating Xavi? What kinda name is that? I just don’t know what to do. I just want a summer romance a great one. I want a boyfriend. I want to feel happy. But only i can do that, i know, i know. But maybe just maybe some one will come.
